Am I what I want?

I am hungry, but not for foodI want to shout, but nothing that can be heard.I am lonely, but not because I am aloneI want to run, but not away.I am sad, but not because I am not happyI want to drown, but not in water. I am on top, but not of anythingI want everything, but nothing I need.I am nice, but not because I am goodI want to share, but nothing that I own.I am weak, but not because I am not strongI want to hoard, but nothing that can be bought.I am alive, but not because I am not deadI want to fly, but not to anyplace.


The tolerance of us Indians towards dirt and garbage in public spaces is a globally known and acknowledged fact. Probably because it is not only “unclean to clean” but also “unclean to notice” in India, where a complete class of people had been invented to merely take care of our waste and rubbish, as V.S. Naipaul observed with precise acerbity in his 1977 book India-A wounded civilisation. Apart from this incredible tolerance to the ubiquitous garbage and the freedom to freely wet and litter, are there any other cultural forces that so universally binds and unites us a nation?  Therefore I am unsurprised that the ‘Swachh Bharat Abhiyan’ or the Campaign for a Clean India has been able to maintain steam for over two months in the print and social media where the ‘trending’ news shift every 5 seconds. Because India will never run short of celebrities willing to pose with brooms nudging the garbage carefully. And city news and city people will never get enough of their celebrities.


Million, billion stars Scars of the darkest nights When not invisible behind The moon bright & white Unrelenting at death even  Hell, the shadow of heaven, where fire brightest burn?
Cacophony of life In the womb lie deathly Of the night Until the sun silently
detonates the light  Freeing the violence of existence Destruction, you owe the dawn?
Survival of the fittest, creation Fire, knowledge, religion Science & civilisation Control, light, sin, war & annihilation In the conquest of fear, inquest of thedark Interrogate the beginning Why the end?

Whither darkness?

Sunlight, tube light, Tail-light, headlight Green light, red-light Street-light, home-light Torch-light, wicker light
Illume everything Pining away the dark Under the bed, inside the eyes Within the sea of weakness and ignorance
Insensitive senses Amplified desires Endless ends, eternal beginnings Dark days indeed  for darkness.

Top Ten books-School life -Volume 1

Compiling a list of favourite books is not as easy as it seemed when Chitra nominated me. Perhaps because our expectations and experiences from a book changes as we change. Thus as I reflected about those books which left a great deal of impression on me, I realised that they varied with the distinct phases of my life, which at the risk of oversimplification, I have categorised into- school, college-university and working life. Below are my top 10 books from my school life- the volume 1.
School life-
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness.”
I didn’t inherit a reading library from my family. And the among the gifts that I got during my birthdays which could be read were brass vessels embedded with my name. As kids, buying a book, apart from what was prescribed in our school curriculum was a luxury my father couldn’t afford. But what they did, clearly beyond their financial bounds, was to put us in the best and the mos…

Love, dhokha aur emancipation-Without losing virtue or virginity-Reviewing 'Queen (2014), Hindi'

Deciding on movies to watch and movies to ditch (in the theatre) is not a difficult job. Particularly when you are a married person living in India on a student allowance. With Hindi language films made in India, it’s even simpler. Do not watch anything unless it is directed by one of them four directors whose work I absolutely adore. One Sunday (supposed to be last Sunday but for my lazy ass), I broke this rule. There were two main reasons: 1. It came heavily recommended by a friend. 2. The film was produced by one of ‘the’ 4 directors. And while I wasn’t disappointed, it didn’t blew me off either. However, my wife absolutely loved it and later argued that it would be impossible to find an Indian woman or a girl who would not love this movie. And till now her theory has held as water-tight as Newtons’ theory of gravity.
The movie in the question is Queen directed by Vikas Bahl, who co-owns Phantom Films with Vikramaditya Motwane (see Udaan) and Anurag Kashyap (see Black Friday). The i…

Modern Assam-Still in the making?

In review: Empire’s Garden: Assam And The Making Of India •by Jayeeta Sharma • Permanent Black • Rs 695
Renaissance, Enlightenment and Industrial Revolution ushered in the modern era in Europe and ultimately to the entire globe, notably through the institutions of capitalism and colonialism. Colonial and capitalist induced transformations as well as the resistances offered against such changes initiated complex processes whereby many modern nations and nationalities were formed. India is but the result of such processes. Although there is a considerable volume of scholarship on the origin of the idea of India, the respective histories of its numerous divergent constituent nations are often washed out and obliterated in the process of creating a grand assimilative history. Also missed out are the subaltern perspectives of nationhood from lesser known ethnic societies. For Assam and the northeast in general, who have been purportedly over-marginalized in the popular and academic discours…